


I think I'll miss you forever (like the stars miss the sun)

by drunkonchampagne



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, au with a twist, but still not quite, harry loves louis alot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:35:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5645893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkonchampagne/pseuds/drunkonchampagne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You were my first in so many ways. You were my first home away from home, if that even makes sense. You were my first love. Crazy that your first love is your soulmate and the love of your life, right? You were the first one I trusted with everything, there were no words I was scared to tell you. You were the one to make me love myself, because you made me feel so loved.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I think I'll miss you forever (like the stars miss the sun)

**Author's Note:**

> So I got an idea and wrote it down.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror. A simple black suit dressed his body and his all too long hair reached his shoulders. He should probably cut it, but didn’t have it in him or the energy to do it.

He was still the same as he was when he was sixteen. The hair was longer and he was taller, the features in his face were sharper and his eyes more grown up. He thinks of sixteen as the age his life began. The band was created, a journey that would take him all around the world. He met the best friends anyone could ever ask for, who were there for each other through thick and thin. They supported each other through harsh words and doubt from media and hate online. They shared the joy and happiness of performing on stage, winning awards and singing together. But the most important thing was and will always be Louis.

 

He can still not believe that he met the love of his life when he was an unexperienced, naïve and young boy. Someone who only thought the best of everyone and was so afraid of being judged. Meeting Louis was like coming home. There was no doubt that they fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle they fit together. Meeting your other half at such young age is almost too good to be quite true. Too extraordinary. Together they traveled the world, performed in front of thousands and thousands of people, suffered through hiding, fake relationships and PR-stunt. They fought for their love and to be allowed to be who they truly are.

 

The thing Harry remembers the most from the X-Factor days is falling in love. He remembers that it felt like he was going to explode from all the happiness he had inside of him. The thrill of performing and fulfilling his dreams was so big that it was more than he could’ve imagined. He had four persons in his life he didn’t know he needed, but now he didn’t know what he would do without them. How he from day one felt like he had found home in the eighteen year old boy and from there on only fell harder and harder. Even now, roughly six years later he’s still falling.

He remembers the days in the bungalow before the show started and how he and Louis shared a double bed because there wasn’t enough room for everyone. When they came to the X-Factor house it took Harry three nights before he got tired of not sleeping well with the knowledge that Louis was in the same room. So on the fourth night he tip-toed over to Louis’ bed and whispered if he could sleep in his bed. Louis opened his arms and Harry climbed in. He had Louis wrapped around himself, it was a cocoon of warmth and the scent of boy and honey. Louis lips had brushed Harry’s neck when he murmured goodnight.

 

When they started making a name of themselves and dropped their first album came the harder times. He was still so young, so naïve. When he read the words people wrote about him on the internet he felt like he was going to break. He read the articles about how the womanizer Harry Styles once again had found a girl to have. How he latched out to every woman within reach, because someone had decided that older women was his thing.

He was still a teenager when he was made in to a puppet doll. Someone who had to do what they told him. He was still trying to figure who he was as a person when they said he couldn’t be himself so he had to be someone else. It was like hitting a circle until it fitted in the square. He wasn’t hundred percent sure of who he was, but he knew he wasn’t the person they wanted him to be.

So when he cried and it felt like his stomach had been ripped out it was Louis’ arms he cried in. When the room was dark and the only thing that could be heard was their breathing and Harry’s hiccups from crying, he whispered of how afraid he was. How he was afraid of being himself, of wearing the clothes he wanted or letting his hair grow. He was afraid that if he spoke about it, they would laugh and shake their heads as if saying that it was stupid and if he wanted the best for the band, he would do as they said because they knew how things worked. It was Louis told him he would be okay and it was Louis who promised that he would do anything to protect Harry.

 

A number of awards and records later and they were entitled as the biggest band on the planet, bigger than The Beatles. They had more say in how they wanted the band to be, they could decide what to wear and they wrote more songs. But for Harry to be himself, together with Louis was still not allowed. Harry could almost see what they meant when they said that he and Louis couldn’t come out. But that doesn’t mean he understood it. He and Louis were in love, but they couldn’t speak of their love to the world so they wrote it on their bodies. It was sad, that the beauty of their love was taken away. It was pushed away and hidden in the shadows.

 

As Harry’s reflection stared back at him in the mirror he thought to himself what a shame it was. That their love was turned in to hushed whispers and secret gestures. He wanted to scream that he loved Louis from the top of every high building in every city they visited, in every language there is. He wanted to talk about everything he loved about Louis to everyone who had the patience to listen. He wanted to talk about the shades of blue Louis’ eyes have, depending on lightning and mood. Harry wanted to explain the small quirks Louis had, like how he eat his sandwiches upside down or how he sounds like a kitten when he stretches his arms over his head when he wakes up. But he couldn’t.

 

It was on a sunny day in April, just when the flowers had started to bloom and the first butterflies tested their wings, that Louis asked Harry to marry him. He hadn’t rented Empire State Building nor were they in the air in an air balloon. They were sitting outside on their big balcony in the house they had outside of London. They were tangled up in blankets and each other while watching the sun set down behind the skyline. After a few glasses of wine and stolen kisses they were tipsy from the alcohol and drunk on love. He was leaning against Louis’ chest, who was resting his chin on the top of Harry’s head. Harry was drawing lines on Louis’ thighs when he started tickle Harry. It started off calm and quiet but it slowly got more intense and soon enough Harry was pinned to the floor, out of breath from laughing when he giggled “please stop, I can’t breathe”. Louis kept tickling Harry on the spot he knew he was most ticklish when he laughed “I’ll stop on one condition” and Harry had squeaked “anything”. “Marry me,” he said and kept poking Harry in his stomach, “yeah, anything just stop. I can’t breathe”.

Louis was straddled over Harry and Harry was giggling and they were smiling at each other. It was quiet for a moment before a shy smile and a blush spread in Louis’ face. Harry had poked his cheek and asked what he was thinking about. “I kind of meant what I, you know, what I said,” he mumbled. Harry furrowed his eyebrows, “What? That thing about a semester for –“ Louis shook his head and looked down, “No, the ‘marry me’.. Will you? I mean, do you want to? Marry me? Because I know I want to marry you. You’re the love of my life, H. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much you feel like could explode, but here I am. So, uhm… Yeah,” he lifted his gaze and was looking directly at Harry with his piercing blue eyes. Harry was in loss of words, but he nodded and cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he breathed and the biggest smile was plastered on his face, “God, yes yes yes. Of course, yes. I love you so much, always have and always will. Of course I’ll marry you,” he laughed. Louis words of how he didn’t have any rings were lost in Harry’s mouth. “Fiancé” Louis giggled when they broke apart. “Fiancé,” Harry mumbled and their lips brushed against each other.

 

Now it was the last days of November and a pale sunshine streamed through the window and made the dust on the window visible. His green eyes were staring back at him, they had a depth of someone who had to grow up too fast and been thrown in to something he wasn’t quite ready for. They have seen more places, happiness and persons than most people see in an entire life time. He took a shaky breath as his mother knocked on the door and told him it was time. He looked at his hair and remembered the times Louis braided his hair or ran his fingers through it. He said it was too long but his actions told something else, Harry knew Louis liked it so he let it grow. He stepped away from the mirror and followed his mother.

 

The church was full of persons who loved Louis and people who loved Harry, in most cases these were the same. Ever since they met, the two of them had been a package deal. Harry walked with shaky legs to the front of the church. When he reached the altar he could see Louis’ blue eyes in front of him. Today they were blue like the ocean. Light blue, like the shallow parts of the sea. The iris was framed of a circle with the colour of the ocean in a wild storm. They were piercing, full of life and the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen. His heart was racing as he cleared his throat.

 

“Louis. My dear, Louis. I had dreams about how it would be to find the love of my life, my soulmate. I knew it would be fantastic, extraordinary and everything anyone could ask for. But then I stumbled upon you and everything I had thought was thrown out of the window. At the age of sixteen I knew that I had found the one for me. You made me feel things I didn’t know existed. Every adjective in the books that describe love weren’t enough to explain what I felt for you, still feel for you. You made me feel like I belonged somewhere. I had a house, a family and I was happy before. But you became my home and you made me happier than I thought were possible. I didn’t know I was missing something until you came and filled all the spaces. We’ve fought for being able to tell the world that we belong together. That I love you and you love me. It took some time, actually some years but we got there at last. I remember that it was a cloudy Tuesday afternoon in June that we walked down the street hand in hand, the first time for the public eye. We had just gone to the Tesco down the street, buying milk and bananas. It was something so simple, but for us it meant everything, right? You were my first in so many ways. You were my first home away from home, if that even makes sense. You were my first love. Crazy that your first love is your soulmate and the love of your life, right? You were the first one I trusted with everything, there were no words I was scared to tell you. You were the one to make me love myself, because you made me feel so loved.”

 

Harry takes a shaky breath. He has said it all to Louis before, but it’s scary to speak these words out loud to others. The people in front of him are crying or stubbornly trying to blink the tears away. Harry’s cheeks are wet and his eyes are burning from tears, like they have for the last time. Because Louis’ blue eyes aren’t really in front of him, they never will be again. In reality Louis is sound asleep in a slumber he will never wake up from.

 

“It’s unfair, you know. We were supposed to grow old together. We were supposed to make more music, share more laughs, buy a big house and one day it would be full with kids running around and maybe a dog or two. It’s unfair because we both should be here saying ‘I do’, but instead I’m standing here alone, saying goodbye."


End file.
